The Day I Should Have Died

August 10th is a date that will forever be ingrained in my mind. Three years ago today, I was taking a road trip to see my husband.

{Okay, back up a minute... The story which I am about to tell you something that happened in the middle of the absolute worst six months of my life.
1. Dan moved to start his job, while I stayed put, 6 hours away, to keep working and try to get our house sold. I will not live apart again, especially now that we have Evan. It was terrible, terrible, terrible. I do not do very well on my own. We ended up living apart for an entire six-months. April 15 - October 15.
2. Not long after he left, I lost our first baby with an ectopic pregnancy. It was such a devastating loss after we'd been trying for nine months just to get pregnant... and with Dan not even there, it made it so much worse.
3. Keep reading...}

So there I was, making this ridiculously long six hour drive to go see Dan for the weekend, attend his company picnic, and look at houses. I was about halfway through my trip when I got hit from behind WHILE I was going roughly 70 mph, which was the speed limit. The traffic in front of me had come to a dead stop since it was rush hour and I had begun to brake, but the car behind me did not. So here I am, in my Chevy Blazer, getting hit by this stupid Mustang that had been on my tail for over an hour.

I felt the impact and then everything went into slow motion for me. I am told that my vehicle flipped three times over several lanes of traffic, but thankfully I do not remember that. The last thing I remember was thinking, "I can't believe I am going to die like this." When I opened my eyes, I was trapped inside the Blazer which was laying on the driver's side. Several drivers, who happened to also be nurses, ran up to see if I was okay. Or even alive. No one thought I would be alive. I didn't think I would be alive. I wasn't in a lot of pain, other than my arm which was through the window and covered in road rash. One of the nurses got some towels to help stop the bleeding while another called my husband. Most of the details here are a little hazy and this could get really long, so I'll try to speed this up.

The fire department came and used the jaws of life to get me out. One firefighter climbed in with me to hold my head and keep me covered while they cut me out. I wish I knew his name or that I had followed up at the time to thank him. His kindness meant so much to me.

I was life-flighted to a nearby hospital where the police officer took my statement while morphine was being pumped into me. Sidenote: how stupid is that? Yeah, let's pump her up on drugs and then see what she remembers. Anyway, I had to pee like none other and I can't believe that I had not somehow wet myself by that time, but I kept waiting like they were going to let me get up and walk myself to the bathroom. That didn't happen. Instead, they come and tell me I am going to need a catheter because my hip is broken. At this point, I hadn't felt any pain in that area yet, so I was in disbelief. When I was finally transferred to a bed and felt the pain, I knew it had to be true. Further x-rays revealed that I had not only broken my left hip, but also my left wrist and hand.

I then spent five days in the hospital before ending up in the rehab side of a nursing home for NINE WEEKS. Yes, you read that right. I celebrated my 24th birthday in a nursing home. In a wheelchair. Not the best birthday I've ever had, but probably not the worst either. Well, maybe.

I could tell you lots of stories about my time in the hospital and in rehab and about the blessings in the midst of tragedy, but the thing I want to focus on today is that God is obviously not finished with me yet.

Three years ago, in that car accident, I should have died. But I didn't. I didn't suffer any brain damage and I am no longer affected by my injuries most days. Clearly, God has a purpose for my life.

At the beginning of this year, I heard a song by Brandon Heath called "Wait and See" and it spoke volumes to me.

Still wonderin' why I'm here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He's up to something
And the farther on I go
I've seen enough to know
That I'm not here for nothing
He's up to something

God is definitely up to something and although I am still trying to figure out my purpose, I am definitely getting there. I thought that this year was going to be truly life-changing for me and that I was going to really figure myself out. I have definitely made progress, but I'm not all the way there yet. But the year's not over yet either.

So no matter what happens today, I will be grateful to know that He's not finished with me yet. I may still be wrestling with my fears and wondering why I'm here, but He IS up to something!